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I break through, my head popping free and see Dex emerging just beyond the kayak.

  “You okay?” he says, taking hold of the kayak and starting to right it.

  I spot my paddle drifting away. I laugh because I’m such an idiot. “Sorry about that,” I splutter.

  He laughs back, smiling. “If you wanted to take a bath, all you had to do was ask.”

  I splash water at him. “Very funny, smartass. Now, can we get back in and pretend like that never happened?”

  He’s tosses his paddle into the righted kayak and uses his arms to press and lever himself into it, one foot hooking over the side. It’s an impressive feat of balance and strength. He extends his hand. “Okay, swim over. I’ve got you.”

  I start to swim. It’s awkward in the lifejacket, but I soon realize that’s not the problem. I’m swimming, but the current is pulling me away.

  “Lexi?” queries Dex, concerning crossing his face. “You okay?”

  My mouth dips under the water, the current’s pull becoming stronger as we head downstream. I can hear the next set of rapids. It sets a blinding beat of panic through me. I swim harder but it only serves to draw me further away.

  “Stay calm,” says Dex, going to pass his paddle but realizing I’m too far away. “Don’t fight it,” he says. “Save your energy.”

  But it has the opposite effect, the water becoming rougher, starting to froth and churn around me. It’s a washing machine, my head bobbing up and down like a cork in the water. It fills my mouth, drags me under for a few terrifying seconds before spitting me back up.

  I spin a full one-eighty degrees and stop swimming. The current’s too strong.

  “Dex!” I scream, my head a blurry mess.

  I look for the kayak, but I can’t see it anywhere.

  No. My blood runs cold.

  “Dex!” I call again, my efforts rewarded with another mouthful of water. I cough it out through my nose, my lifejacket the only thing keeping me afloat.

  Soon the rapids drown out everything else. I’m tossed left and right, upside-down, spinning and careening out of control, the power of the water below and around me incredible. A boulder looms. I ricochet off it hard, too terrified to register any pain. A log strikes me right in the chest, winding me. I gasp desperately for air, looking to the sky as another boulder skims by and I’m dragged in the complete opposite direction.

  This is it, I think. This is the end of me.

  I draw in air with my mouth wide. A giant boulder is coming right for me. I’ve got too much speed, knowing full well the impact with it is likely to do serious damage.

  I close my eyes, but just before I hit I feel something strong and powerful grip my arm, reefing me from the water.

  It’s Dex, his face pulled in strain as he struggles against the water and current to pull me into the kayak.

  I collapse into the middle of it.

  “Hold on!” he bellows, picking up the paddle and driving it into the water. I’m looking up at the sky, the sun shifting in and out of view, droplets of water and spray gusting across my face.

  It feels like forever before the sound of the rapids diminish and we’re back on calm water.

  With effort I raise myself upwards, looking back at Dex who’s watching me with alarm. His eyes move to my forehead. “You’re hurt.”

  I bring my fingers up. They come away bloody, a wave of faintness coming over me at the sight. It’s the crash, déjà-vu all over again.

  “Hang on,” he says, “I’ll pull off here.”

  I check myself, but nothing seems broken excerpt for my ego.

  For now, I’m safe.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  DEX

  I offer to carry Lexi back to the Den, but she won’t have it.

  Of all the times and all the people, it had to be her, didn’t it? My luck lately. I swear to God.

  At the Den I find a blanket and wrap it around her shoulders, doing my best not to ogle her bare thighs as I help her into a nearby office chair. “Wait here. I’ll be back with the first-aid kit.”

  I return with the kit and sort through it for an antiseptic wipe. Lexi winces as it’s applied to the cut on her forehead, her legs snapping together, her breathing labored but steadier now than it was immediately following her ordeal.

  I continue to dab lightly at the cut. It’s not that deep and won’t require stiches, thank Christ.

  “I’m starting to think I’m a walking, talking disaster area,” she says, her eyes locked on my own and within them a warm vulnerability I’ve never noticed before. Even her accent sounds different.

  I’d forgotten all about the car accident, can make out where the cut was just above the one I’m attending to now.

  I pull back a bit to check her over. “You’re going to have a few bumps and bruises, but you got out of this pretty well considering.”

  She lifts up slightly, looking behind herself. “I think I broke my ass bone.”

  I try not to get too excited at the prospect of seeing her naked ass again. “You can stand, you can walk… I think you’re going to be just fine, but I can run you by the hospital if you like, make sure you’re A-Okay.”

  “And let the whole town find out what happened? No, thanks. I’m going to pack up my pride and quietly slip back into bed.”

  At least there’s no confusion, no immediate signs of concussion like last time. “You shouldn’t really be alone, just in case.”

  She raises an eyebrow in suspicion. “Is that your way of cracking onto me again?”

  I place the wipe down and return to her eyes, let them settle and take me in. So close like this, lit only by window light, I don’t think I’ve ever seen something quite so beautiful. Her hair’s still damp, the skin on her legs lightly dimpled.

  Her head starts to lilt sideways, my own starting to come forward with my lips parted. Just as we’re about to press together she backs away, clearing her throat. “Sorry.”

  I pretend to focus on the first-aid kit again. “Don’t be.”

  I’m kidding myself with the whole ‘friends’ thing and I know it. I’m recognizing it now and it’s driving me close to insane. I just want to get closer to her. I can’t help myself.

  I apply a Band-Aid, leaning back again to admire my handiwork. “All better.”

  “Thank you, Dex.”

  “For nearly getting you killed out there?”

  “For saving me.”

  I shrug. “Don’t think anything of it, seriously.”

  Another weighted pause follows before the office phone starts to ring.

  “You can get that if you like,” she says.

  I stand. “It’s the weekend. Let it go to the answering machine.”

  The antiquated answering machine clicks into service. We should have updated it ages ago, but hey, we’re low tech and cheap—whatever works. Besides, most people have actually moved into the twenty-first century and email these days.

  The voice on the machine crackles, but it’s clearly female… and flirty. “Hi, Dex,” it comes. “It’s Mandy. Maybe you don’t remember me? From last summer? Anyhow, just thought I’d call to see if you’re up for another private tour. I’d sure love to see some of that native wood again, really connect with nature. You’re so… hands on.”

  I steal a glance at Lexi, who looks like she’s about to puke. I try to find the off switch, but the damn machine just keeps on recording.

  “…so big.”

  “…strong hands.”

  “…even let you put it in my—”

  Finally, I find the off switch, the machine mercifully quiet.

  Lexi stands and starts to gather her things from the desk.

  I move over to her, colliding with one of the office bins and almost falling over myself in my haste. “Wait, wait…”

  Lexi smiles at me. “Dex, it’s fine. It’s no big deal. After all, we’re just friends, right?”

  I run my hand through my hair. “Yeah, right.”

  I should fight for her, mak
e my true intentions known, but something is holding me back I can’t put my finger on. She starts to speak and I freeze up like a fucking igloo.

  “Besides,” she continues, “it sounds like a call you really should return. Have fun.”

  She starts to walk towards the door. I follow her. “You sure you’re okay? I’ll drive you home.” I sound desperate.

  She turns to face me in the doorway backlit by the sun and fucking angelic. “Like I said, I’m fine. Enjoy.”

  All I can do is watch her walk away back to her loaner car, kicking myself for turning into some pussy who stares longingly out a window at a woman who basically just blue-balled me into submission.

  Am I really that guy?

  It’s a question that’s going to have to wait for an answer.

  *

  I don’t hear from Lexi over the next couple of days. We’re busy with tours, though I pay special attention to the stretch of river Lexi fell into, each time I pass it, caught by a sexual grip that doesn’t seem to want to let up any more than the rapids do.

  In the absence of more carnal relations, I turn to self-loathing instead. Of course Lexi has no expectations of me. Why would she? I’m an asshole player. That’s my thing, who I am at the basest part of my being. So why does her flippant dismissal bother me so much?

  I usually find it a relief when women are cool with causal sex. I don’t do strings. I never have. I don’t like to be a puppet or control one. I value my freedom and independence over almost everything else, which is why coming on board with Dean and Deric was such a struggle in the beginning.

  But that’s worked out, hasn’t it?

  Try as I might, however, I can’t get Lexi out of my head. I grab a tin of canned tomatoes out of the pantry and think of her, lying in bed, in the shower, outside, inside… She’s everywhere but right in front of me and I don’t know how much longer I can take it.

  The days pass slowly. I attempt to bring my focus back solely to business, but even that does little to diminish thoughts of her swimming through my head twenty-four-fucking-seven.

  It’s a fine day for rafting. The water level has dropped a bit owing to the lack of rain, the rapids far gentler than they were when I took Lexi out, which should suit this couple just fine.

  The two I’m taking out today are far from spring chickens, but I don’t discriminate. If they say they can hack it, I’m happy to give them the chance. So far, they’re making a mockery of tour participants forty years younger.

  I pull up next to their kayak as we float downstream. “How’s it going?”

  Greg’s puffing, but he’s smiling nonetheless. Behind him, his wife Belle is beaming just as wide.

  “It’s a beautiful stretch of river, isn’t it?” Greg remarks, his paddle dipping into the water.

  I look around. “You’re not wrong about that.”

  “You’re very lucky,” says Belle.

  “How’s that?” I ask.

  “Living here,” she says, “having the best job in the world, and I bet all the girls love you.”

  I have to laugh. “Until you get a rowdy group of teenagers who just want to get down the river and back to their iPhones.”

  Greg grins. “They don’t know what they’re missing, do they?”

  “No, sir,” I reply. I point my oar over to a grassy bank. “We’ll head over there for lunch. I’ll lead.”

  I help the couple bring their kayak up and lay out a picnic blanket for them. The simple lunches we provide always go down owing largely to the local produce.

  Greg has his shoes off, lying back against Belle. “Son, I think this is the best damn sandwich I’ve ever had.”

  I take the last bite of my sandwich. “I’ll pass that on.”

  I open the small icebox I carry in the kayak. “Sour cherry cider?”

  “Don’t mind if I do,” says Greg, taking the bottle off my hands.

  I’m sitting up on my favorite rock, perched there with my feet tucked under myself observing the river, the way it ebbs and flows. I know it better than any lover, probably better than I know myself by now.

  “Do you have kids?” Belle asks.

  I shake my head. “No.”

  “Girlfriend?”

  I try not to let my thoughts settle on Lexi. “Nothing steady.” I deflect. “How about you guys?”

  Greg laughs. “Well, I think we’re long past the boyfriend-girlfriend stage, son, but kids? Sure. Got six of ’em, all grown up now and off into the world. Three of them aren’t even in the country.”

  “How did you two meet?” I ask.

  Belle chimes in. “Oh, we were both in the Army. I was a nurse, Greg was a young whippersnapper about to head off to Korea. In fact, he was deployed the very day after I found out I was pregnant.”

  “That must have been quite a shock.”

  Belle brings her arms around Greg, kissing him on the cheek. “He was injured over there pretty bad. Landmine. He nearly died in that Army hospital, but he’s strong. He fought back from the brink because he knew he had to be there for me and the baby. Isn’t that right, my love?”

  “That’s right,” Greg smiles with glassy eyes, kissing her back. They’re turning into a Hallmark card right before my eyes. A bit more cider and god knows what might happen, but they are a cute couple. I’ll give them that.

  Greg clears his throat, addressing me. “Now we’ve got our six kids and, how many grandchildren is it now, hon?”

  “Eighteen,” she replies, “bless their socks.”

  “Purpose,” continues Greg, “is what separates the men from the boys, son, and that goes for all areas of life. It’s what makes it worth living. Otherwise, what’s the point?”

  For an old bastard, he’s pretty profound.

  What’s my purpose? I consider. The best relationship I have is with my big-screen. There’s no deeper meaning to my life, no substance.

  But Lexi could provide it, a voice interjects.

  I’m empty after I see Greg and Belle off, returning to the Den strangely disconnected from the larger world after Greg’s words.

  Alone, I take a seat at the desk and bump the mouse to bring the monitor to life. The business email account is open. I go to click on the inbox but accidentally click on Sent Items instead. The email at the top is a reply to West Group.

  “What the fuck?”

  I open it, reading the exchange.

  Looks like Deric’s been corresponding with them, saying we’re “open” to discussions about them taking over the business. “What the fuck,” I repeat, my anger growing the more I read. He’s basically saying ‘yes’ for all of us—no discussion, no nothing.

  I pick up my cell and dial his number, nostrils flaring as I stare at the email.

  He answers. “How’d Clark Gable and Judy Garland go?”

  I ignore him. “You’ve been emailing West Group.”

  “And?”

  “I’m looking at it right now. What the hell, man? You didn’t think about consulting me before sending this off?”

  “Easy, brother,” he says, which only pisses me off more, “it’s in our best interests.”

  “Is it?” I laugh. “I thought I made myself clear on this.”

  “The only thing that’s clear is what’s going to happen if we don’t start thinking bigger here.”

  “And what, O master of all, would that be?”

  Deric’s temper kicks in at my tone. “You’re interrupting my honeymoon for this? For fuck’s sake, Dex, can’t you see it? Just because you’re content to be a seventy-year-old bachelor banging bar flies and never changing a fucking thing doesn’t mean the rest of us should suffer. You’ve got no ambition, no fucking drive.”

  No purpose, I recall, remembering Greg’s words.

  “We can’t wait around forever for you to grow up.”

  Deric hangs up.

  I throw my cell across the room. “Fuck you!” I yell, standing with my hands on my head. I kick the office chair over, pacing and thinking.
r />   The sting of his words refuses to dissipate.

  I don’t know what to do, the sun setting outside while I pace and curse, looking for anything to occupy my busy mind. After an hour or two, I can’t take a second more in this dump.

  I retrieve my cell and grab my keys. “Fuck this,” I tell myself.

  The truck skids on its way out, gravel and grit flying, pinging off the panels as I snake my way towards home.

  The turn to Lexi’s comes up.

  Don’t do it, I’m telling myself.

  I slam my hand against the steering wheel and pull the truck towards it. Maybe she’s the one thing I need right now.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  LEXI

  I open the door to find Dex standing there. He’s breathing hard, looks like he’s run a marathon even though I’m pretty sure I heard his truck outside.

  “Dex? What are you doing here?”

  “I had to come,” he says, a hand against the doorframe. “I need to be with you.”

  “I thought we were going to keep this purely platonic, clean,” I reply.

  His hand moves from the doorframe, lightly pushing me inside as he enters the apartment, closing the door behind himself. “Maybe I want it to be messy.”

  His lips are on me in an instant, his hands caught up in my hair, pressing me forwards into his mouth.

  I moan and allow myself to be taken by him, swept up in this sudden surprise.

  It’s not long before he’s gripping me under the legs, sweeping me up and carrying me down to the master bedroom.

  “What are you do—”

  But I don’t get the words out before I’m in the air.

  I land on the bed and he takes up position beside me, taking my thigh and drawing it over his hip. I can smell his piney scent, feel his hardness and energy. He places a hand against the small of my back and presses me towards him, unable, it seems, to bring me close enough.

  He drags a strand of hair from my eyes, smiling. “Sorry. I couldn’t stay away.”

  “I’m glad,” I reply, shifting forward to kiss him.

  I keep my eyes open, staring into his, searching them while moonlight pools around us from the window beside the bed. A light breeze is blowing through it, the gauzy curtains fanning out like strange apparitions as we take each other in, tongues tangling in the hot heat of our mouths.